


Sword Lesbians 3: Revelations

by Surgeworks



Series: Sword Lesbians [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: F/M, Gen, I'm actually really proud of this one even if I didn't get the chance to yell BI ZIHARK, In which Haar and Volke get a fade to black, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25947136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surgeworks/pseuds/Surgeworks
Summary: An examination of sexuality within the Royal Knighthood.
Relationships: Elincia Ridell Crimea/Geoffrey, Elincia Ridell Crimea/Luchino | Lucia, Haar (Fire Emblem)/Reader, Heather/Nephenee (Fire Emblem), Kevin | Kieran/Oscar
Series: Sword Lesbians [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835326
Kudos: 3





	Sword Lesbians 3: Revelations

“Pardon me!”

Haar was disturbed from his perusing by a waitress, and looked up.

“I’m sorry, we’re not ready to order yet.”

“Just as well, then, sir. Another customer asked this to be sent to the man with the eyepatch.”

Haar looked at what was in the woman’s hands. It was a rather large bottle of wine, a fine label and carved cork adorning it. He recognized it from the display case along the back of the front counter, but he’d never have asked for it. Far from being a wine connoisseur, it was a bit above his pay grade.

“Really?”

Haar looked at the bottle closely, not finding any sign of who might have sent it. Perhaps a note on the bottom? But no, nothing of the sort.

“Probably from our friend, the ‘fireman’.” Jill, opposite him at the table, mentioned. “Um, pardon me ma’am—there should be two of these?”

This jogged Haar’s memory—oh, yeah, Volke. He vaguely remembered Jill shaking him awake and berating him for sleeping on supply duty and letting a thief in, who turned out to be an ally from the Mad King’s War. Volke had been completely unrepentant when caught, and neither of them had wanted to make it a fight to pry the goods he was stealing from them out of his hands. As Haar had not wanted to risk it and had honestly just wanted to get back to sleep, he’d simply let the thief go, much to Jill’s fury, and claimed that he would owe them.

‘I’ll buy you a beer later.’ had been Volke’s only goodbye.

“I’m sorry ma’am, I was only sent the one.”

Jill threw the most indignant of looks Haar’s way, sulkily looking down at her menu again, but Haar waved the woman away for the moment having requested only some glasses.

“Don’t bother, Jill, there’s more than enough here for the both of us.”

“I know your drinking habits, that won’t last us both. Go see if it was really him who sent it.”

The deliveryman stood up, scanning the rest of the bar until he found a head of brown hair and a scarf running down a long jacket. He was easy to spot, drinking alone off in his own corner.

“Yeah, that’s him.” he said, sitting back down. “Think I should go over there and talk to him?”

“N-No. No, that’s fine.” Jill said. “Sit back down.”

Obeying, Haar took another look at his menu, flipping it over. “You know, this is a pretty expensive wine. A lot of the stuff on this menu looks fairly costly, too. I thought you said that this place was cheap?”

“It was Ilyana that recommended this place to me.” Jill admitted. “Given how much she eats, I figured any restaurant that could feed her had to be affordable. But then, poor Zihark did look pretty annoyed when I saw them here.”

“Zihark and Ilyana? I didn’t know they were close. Are they dating?”

“Hmm? Oh, no. Ilyana’s a lesbian. She’s been friends with Zihark for years, though.”

“Wait, really? I only asked ‘cuz on the few times I’ve seen her, she’s usually been hanging around some dude or other.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of her schtick. She’s pretty frail and always hungry, but she milks it for men who think she’s cute so they’ll give her food. Zihark takes her out a lot, but he’s been known to chew her out for that behavior.”

“That…sounds familiar. That’s a dirty trick, and I bet it’s worked on more than a few dudes, too.”

Jill raised her eyebrows, the corner of her mouth twitching, but Haar did not rise to the bait. She let it slide.

“Girls have to get their meals somehow. You’d think traveling with a merchant caravan would leave her pockets full enough to get the food she needs, but she puts away quite a bit. She’s kind of like you, but with eating instead of sleeping.”

Haar decided to ignore this jab, too.

“Well, speaking of swindling lesbians...”

“Say what now?”

Haar directed her attention to the door, where Jill saw two familiar people entering the restaurant: Makalov and a woman she didn’t recognize, tall and blonde.

“I know Makalov, but who’s the girl?”

“Her name’s Heather, I’ll introduce you. Boy, she doesn’t look happy...”

It was true, Heather did look rather…frazzled. Once gold had passed the counter and the two of them bore bottles, Haar waved them over, and Jill scooted over to make room for them.

“What are you two doing here?” he asked.

“I,” Heather said, helping herself to a seat and slamming her mug down on the table, “am drinking away my sorrows.”

“And here I thought you always seemed so cheerful. What’s up?”

“She finally went and hit on my sister, and got turned down.” Makalov said, sitting down next to her.

“It doesn’t matter!” she followed up. “I can’t win them over every time. I’ll just have to fall on my secondary plan, which is a certain country girl I’ve been chatting with lately.”

At this moment, the waitress returned with glasses. Haar, his drinks already paid for, treated the rest, though they denied wanting anything to eat for a token three seconds apiece. A large tray of pasta for the lot, then, which would take a good while to cook and give them time to gossip. That done, he poured a glass out for himself and Jill. Heather immediately spoke up when able and clarified her ‘secondary plan’.

“I’m talking about Nephenee. You know, that beautiful soldier girl who hangs out with that farmer guy? They’re militiamen!”

“We know who you’re talking about,” Haar said, “we’re just waiting to hear why she’s your Plan B.”

“You think Nephenee’s into women?” Makalov asked.

“I _know_ she’s into women.” Heather said with a sort of fierce pride. “I have an intuition for these things! And I was right about Marcia, wasn’t I? That girl thinks women are the most beautiful things on the continent, and she’s right!”

“But she rejected you.”

“Shut up! I didn’t get _rejected_. She just said she had one no-good thief in the family already, and I politely understood.”

Makalov did not deny this version of events, but he still snickered.

“So, Nephenee, and your intuition?” Jill prompted.

A dreamy sort of look came over Heather’s face.

“She’s so shy and quiet, but so beautiful! It’s adorable. And her muscles! You’d think she rolled curls every day!”

“Heh, more like ‘wishful thinking’.” Jill responded.

“Hey, I have reliable intel on this one—that lovely lady Calill told Largo, who told Astrid, who told Makalov, who told me, that Calill behaved just the same way as Nephenee did when she was young! Not just about the accent, either, but about a blossoming affection for women!”

“Largo happens to be Calill’s husband. She’s married. To a _man_.” Haar said bluntly.

Heather’s head dropped onto the table.

“Let me guess,” Jill followed up, “you tried to hit on that one, too?”

“It’s this one’s fault.” she snapped, elbowing Makalov. “I’m going to start calling him ‘Near Miss Makalov’.”

“I may have, uh, neglected to mention the ring on her finger.” Makalov said, scratching his head. “But I was pretty smashed when it came up. But I wasn’t entirely wrong, was I? Listen to this,” he said, turning to the other two, “Largo likes to boast about him and Calill. He said that she and he were each other’s ‘one percent’.”

“One percent of what?” Jill asked, genuinely intrigued.

“One percent straight! Largo was banging men all day every day and never even looked at a woman ‘til he saw her. That’s his words, not mine. And apparently it was the same way with Calill—she’d only ever bothered with women ‘til she fell in love with Largo.”

“Bisexuality works in strange ways.” Haar surmised.

“True enough.” Jill said, downing her drink and sliding her glass to the center of the table.

“If I’d just gotten to her a little sooner...” Heather mourned, but then perked up. “But of course, the other day I visited the shop, I saw this lovely little knight with black hair—”

“That’s Astrid, and she’s—” Jill started,

“—a lost cause.” Haar finished.

Makalov looked noticeably uncomfortable.

“How’s that going, by the way?” Jill asked, taking note of this.

“Er…” Makalov said. “It’s going somewhere, but I’m not sure where.”

“Urgh, _you_?” Heather said, turning to him in disgust. “Who in their right mind would date you? The only thing you’ve been good for so far is getting drunk, getting high, and getting broke gambling. How can you seriously have better luck dating than I have?”

“Hey, you want a crack at her, you can take it.” Makalov said defensively. “I don’t get it any more than you do. This was fun at first, having a lady hangin’ off my arm and speakin’ up on my behalf, but now it’s just…she’s nice and all, but I don’t really like her that way, and I don’t know how to tell her.”

“That’s _adorable_.” Jill said, laughing.

“It is not! Honestly, you should go for it, Heather. A noble turned knight and a lady Robin Hood, you’ll work out well.”

“You need to get a girlfriend of your own, Makalov.” Jill suggested, just as a new drink was delivered for her. “You’re not officially a thing yet, right? If Astrid sees you fawning over some other girl, she’ll realize it’s not meant to be and move on. Or a guy, if that’s your thing.”

Makalov scowled. “It isn’t, but that’s a good idea. Whaddya say, Heather, you and I, a little fake dating?”

Heather appeared ready to drown more than just her sorrows.

“If I’m gonna pretend to date a man, it’ll be a man who makes a higher salary than you, and doesn’t blow it on drugs.” She turned to Haar and Jill.

“The two of you used to work with the Crimean Knights, right? Tell me, they got any gullible men left in their ranks? Or pretty women…?”

“I don’t hang out with them much anymore, sorry.” Jill said. “And the Daein knights are a bit far for you to travel, I should think. Not that I’ve seen any pretty girls among them. No one would have any money to give you anyway, what with the reconstruction.”

“Damn it! What about you, Haar?”

Haar took a long swig of his elite wine, wiping his mouth before giving Heather the grievous news.

“I’d say your chances aren’t much better over in the court. Geoffrey is never going to peel his eyes away from Elincia, and Kieran’s pretty much Geoffrey’s equal and opposite. Loud and dumb, and gay as hell. I don’t think the universe would make sense if I heard about him chasing a woman.”

“You got a point there.” Jill agreed. “If anything, though, he’s the one getting chased.”

“You’re talkin’ about that Oscar guy, right?” Makalov interjected, suddenly interested. “Hey, get this—there’s a betting pool in the platoons.”

The other three patrons perked up and leaned in close. There wasn’t a lot of gossip to be spared about the knighthood, but you could usually count on Makalov to know the details of any gambling pursuits nearby.

“About…?”

“They’re bettin’ on who catches on first. Half the pool thinks Elincia’s gonna finally notice Geoffrey’s bigass crush on her, and the other half thinks Oscar’s gonna get it through Kieran’s head that he wants to date.”

“That’s a tough bet.” Haar commented, before pausing. “…Hell, no it’s not. Elincia’s a fair bit more perceptive than she lets on, but Kieran…”

Laughter rang around the table.

“That said,” Makalov continued, “Geoff might be too late to the punch already. What do you think of how close the queen’s gotten with her retainer, Lucia?”

“Oh, don’t say _that_.” Jill responded, swilling her drink, “Poor Geoffrey’s got enough trouble with his emotions, and you think his big sis is gonna try and steal the love of his life right out from under him?”

“I’m just saying, Elincia and Lucia, closer than sisters, those two.” Makalov answered, shrugging.

“He’s right. Besides, Geoffrey might need a kick in the pants like that, anyway.” Haar agreed. “Kind of a faux-pas, sure, but he’d get over it pretty quickly if it was her.”

“So what you’re saying is,” Heather interjected, “the Royal Knighthood is a whole platoon of people with their hearts tied in knots.”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Haar answered. “Sorry I can’t be of more help, those were the only ones I know. Wait, hang on…”

“Heather, I understand wanting a girlfriend, but if you need money, you can always just ask us.” Jill said sympathetically. “We make ends meet. It’s for your mother, right?”

Heather looked away with a kind of wounded ego. “Yes. …But I’m not doing that. I take pride in being a thieving rogue! Any money I can get, I’ll get by swindling it! …Still, if our stock gets low and Mom looks bad, I’ll show up at your door. Thanks.”

“Devdan!” Haar suddenly said, snapping his fingers.

“Pardon?”

“What? Him? Haar, don’t say that…” Jill reprimanded him.

“ _What_? What about Devdan?” Heather said, suddenly leaning in eagerly.

“He’s a knight, he’s straight, he’s honest, and he’s...actually, she’s right, he’s way too nice for that, no way.”

“Spoilsport!” Heather complained.

“There’s always Bastian.” Haar said. “The court jester, I think—”

“He’s the Count of Fayre!” Jill corrected, annoyed.

“Yeah, him. He’s always teasing Lucia, but he’s rich, and you could probably charm some cash out of him—”

“That won’t work.” Makalov interrupted. “Bastian’s gay, too. Pretty sure that’s a basic requirement of anyone close to the queen these days. But besides that, he’d never fall for it. He’s a gambler, like me, only…good at it…and not an addict. And also a swinish asshole who strung me along.” he said bitterly.

“Woah,” Heather commented. “What’s the history like there?”

He muttered something about filthy rich men and hubris that no one cared to decipher. At that moment, their pasta arrived, and conversation was put on hold long enough for everyone to dig in. Seemingly eager to change the subject, Makalov suggested Heather could always ask Jill if she was ‘ready to mingle’.

“Don’t you have any brains, jarhead?” Heather asked. “These two are clearly dating!”

“We are?” Haar asked, raising an eyebrow. This was a mistake often made, and it amused him, because sure enough, Jill’s face was slowly turning the same color as her hair as she tried to play it cool. “I thought you were a lesbian?”

“I am!” Jill said, voice only a tad shrill. “But I’m not interested in either one of you. You and Heather can both stick to your dalliances with lords and ladies.”

“ _Dalliances_?” he scoffed. “Put on a cape and play cards with the Count, why don’t you?”

The other three laughed.

Conversation continued in similar wandering veins for a while, until everyone had eaten and drank their fill. When Heather and Makalov indicated they were ready to leave, Jill stood up, ready to go with them.

“Haar, are you coming?”

“You go on. I’d like to stay for a while.”

With his company gone, he took the time to order a side dish to finish off his hunger, and polished off the rest of the wine, too, leaving the empty bottle on the table. Full and a bit buzzed, only then would he consider following them out of the pub, but before he did that, he wanted to see if his...friend? If his benefactor was still here. Standing up and surveying the room again, he easily found Volke off in his corner, not having moved in the hour and a half since he’d first spotted him.

 _Well, I may as well go say hello_. Haar pushed his chair in and strode across the pub, drawing up a new one without getting too close or blocking the door. He then sat down, dropping an elbow on the table. A single glance his way was the only acknowledgment he got, so he figured after a few seconds he might should speak up.

“You should’ve bought Jill something to drink, too, yanno. If you could afford this, you could afford two cheaper ones.”

The assassin took a sip from his glass, staring at the wall opposite him. “I’ll compensate her on her next trip out, maybe. I don’t get to buy nice things often. ‘Cept knives. Consider that me being generous.”

“Generous, huh? You wanna sit me down for dinner, you can just say so.”

Volke knocked back the rest of his drink. “Not in a million years.”

All of a sudden, he got up from his chair. Haar blinked in surprise, feeling he might’ve made things awkward. He never was very good at flirting, even in jest.

“Did I offend you that badly?” Haar asked as he watched the fireman push his chair in.

“Get up and follow me.” Volke answered bluntly. Still nonplussed, Haar hurriedly finished off his drink and followed suit, keeping a few steps behind him. The other man led him to the back of the bar, where a door led to a hall and a staircase off to the side. Following him up further, Haar was led to a room that he must be renting.

_Huh… So my hunch was right. Jill didn’t want me chatting him up for a good reason._

Standing with the door open, Volke beckoned him in, and closed and locked it once he was inside. Haar didn’t have time to do much before he watched as the other man started to disrobe. First went the gloves, then his overcoat…

“So this _is_ what that bottle of fine wine was really about?” Haar asked dryly. “I’m not easy, but I'd have taken simpler beer. I guess this is the real reason only one of us got our drink free, huh?”

“The wine was just paying you back for the cargo I stole, that’s all. I’m a thief, not a prostitute. I’m doing this,” Volke said, strolling over and sliding his hands up inside of Haar’s overshirt, causing a shudder to run up his spine, “because I want to.”

“Heh. Your style suits me. Let’s get to work, then.”


End file.
